Ideally, deploys should be small, concise, easily revertible, fast and with a small or nil footprint on the database. However, no matter how awesome you are, sometimes that is just unattainable and you end up needing to deploy something that is just the opposite: big, messy, hard to revert, painfully slow and rubbing the DB the wrong way. If the deploy messes with a mission-critical part of your software, all the worse for you.

But there are actually many ways you can make those situations even worse. Here are a few bullet points you can follow to guarantee a nightmarish deploy complete with nasty side-effects that will haunt you and your coworkers for days to come.